Sunday, October 30, 2005
12:38 AM

with the change in title, i hope to achieve a change, somewhere.
from theblackcomedy to prozacforthebrokensoul.
i don't know if anyone will find me here
and i don't know if i'll find myself somewhere
but i know i have to embark on this journey to the west..
to find the scriptures that will stop the wars in me.

Friday, October 28, 2005
5:55 PM

it's amazing how i never realised..or maybe i did. that you'll be the first to reply my smses when i mass send certain messages. you'll be the first. you'll be genuinely concerned and all. u'll stay a friend when things go wrong. it's so hard to keep friends when things go wrong. it's tiring. to certain pple you have to make sure things dont sound wrong. for you, everything remains simple. i left cos i was scared and i didn't want to be unfair. im going thru a period that only i can help myself. i'm giving up on trying so hard to be friends with her. i pray you'll stay with me.

Thursday, October 27, 2005
1:32 AM

it's pathetic how vulnerable i am to you.
i hate it.
i hateee it.
i forgot how hard it was for me to leave you.
i forgot how hard it was.
i forgot u never knew.

im tired of feeling lonely.
but it's not just loneliness that makes me think of you.

im scared.
noone knows how scared i really am.
but im scared.
i know i cant keep friends
i know friends leave me like they leave their leftover food.
cos im not worth keeping
cos im gonna spoil after awhile
and i'm just..superfluous.

it pains me that i always make the choice to leave behind
people who love me the most.
cos im scared of being left behind.
it's a vicious cycle.
maybe i'll get outta it one day, maybe not.

seeing people i interact with on a daily basis
surrounded by love
i feel jealous, i do.
i dont understand why the same friends do things for her
and not for me.
actually i do.
cos she needs protection,
she needs love.
she's able to survive and her strength shows.
and noone wants her to live alone..to struggle alone.
what about me?
just cos i look like i can hold on,
just cos i say i can..
doesn't really mean i can.

needing love and attention is one thing..
i know if i try hard enough to ask, i'll get it.
but it doesnt make me feel safe.
i need to feel needed.
friends who love me and are there for me
don't make me feel safe like that.
cos i fear one day you'll get sick of me.
get sick of my sorrows and tantrums.
and leave me.

turning to someone and telling someone the simplest things that happen--
yes they needn't always be the sad stuff or the big stuff u know.
just tell me the simplest things like i tell you
and i'll be happy.
i want to be a part of ur life too.
i want to be a friend to you.

when the darkness of the night falls on the world,
the silence follows..
i hear my heart crying.