i hate it.
i hateee it.
i forgot how hard it was for me to leave you.
i forgot how hard it was.
i forgot u never knew.
im tired of feeling lonely.
but it's not just loneliness that makes me think of you.
im scared.
noone knows how scared i really am.
but im scared.
i know i cant keep friends
i know friends leave me like they leave their leftover food.
cos im not worth keeping
cos im gonna spoil after awhile
and i'm just..superfluous.
it pains me that i always make the choice to leave behind
people who love me the most.
cos im scared of being left behind.
it's a vicious cycle.
maybe i'll get outta it one day, maybe not.
seeing people i interact with on a daily basis
surrounded by love
i feel jealous, i do.
i dont understand why the same friends do things for her
and not for me.
actually i do.
cos she needs protection,
she needs love.
she's able to survive and her strength shows.
and noone wants her to live alone..to struggle alone.
what about me?
just cos i look like i can hold on,
just cos i say i can..
doesn't really mean i can.
needing love and attention is one thing..
i know if i try hard enough to ask, i'll get it.
but it doesnt make me feel safe.
i need to feel needed.
friends who love me and are there for me
don't make me feel safe like that.
cos i fear one day you'll get sick of me.
get sick of my sorrows and tantrums.
and leave me.
turning to someone and telling someone the simplest things that happen--
yes they needn't always be the sad stuff or the big stuff u know.
just tell me the simplest things like i tell you
and i'll be happy.
i want to be a part of ur life too.
i want to be a friend to you.
when the darkness of the night falls on the world,
the silence follows..
i hear my heart crying.