Dinah sobbed uncontrollably into her pillow and tried hard to sniff away the feelings she felt. The pain seemed to be physical -- like an apple core remover was plunged right thru her body where her heart was. She could feel air flowing through that hole in her body. Tears flowed freely as she replayed the scene in her head...
dinah says:
will u be mine?
linda says:
im sorry im not lucky enough..
linda says:
anyway i gotta run! seeya!
Dinah had plucked up her courage to ask Linda. Despite her plans for a nice romantic scene which Dinah felt Linda deserved. She had wanted to ask Linda what she really thought, but the latter had logged off, and she seemed to have made it pretty clear enough -- she didn't want to be with her. It doesn't feel real. I don't feel real. But it IS hapening. I know it is. Dinah stretched out for her Tedd and hugged tight. It's real, alright. Now I can never pretend that she's mine. I can never dream of calling her mine again. Why did I have to ask? Dinah cried into the lonely night air. She turned to reach for her handphone. 0425, the time read. She should be asleep by now. Thinking of Linda soundly asleep while she felt the pain from the rejection set Dinah off into another burst of tears. She cried as hard as she could and hoped Linda could feel half the pain she was going through. She tried to cry all the tears away so there would be no more left tomorrow.
Dinah woke up to a brand new day with fresh air flowing like any other morning. Everyone else was going about their usual business. Her day could be the same after all. On her way to work at the sports shop she was to work with during the holidays, she walked past World of Sports and two pair of new ankle socks caught her eyes. Cool colours, I think they would sell. I'll speak to Boss later about getting some goods. Dinah thought.
"Morning Boss." Dinah managed a smile at the fresh-faced lady boss and settled down to her desk. She was typing away when she heard Linda came in. "Hey." Linda sounded abit off spirits that day. Dinah watched her from the corner of her eyes as she took out two pairs of socks and laid them on the display counter. "I just saw them at World of Sports today, so I thought I would get some for display first. The colors are cool. I think they'd sell." Dinah thought she could almost feel the air-conditioner blowing through the hole in the body. It hurt to even think the same thoughts as Linda. She put on her headphones and blasted techno while she worked at checking the online stocks. Everything will be fine. I just need to give myself some time.
Soon, it was time for lunch. She clicked the Stop button on her discman in which her Rave On 2005 CD played. James had bought her the CD which she had been talking about and saved her the trouble of going to the Jukebox website everytime she wanted some techno. She still appreciated the gesture and especially so because of the episode between the two. Soft music played from Linda's desk. Dinah immediately recognised them as some of the songs they had sung together during one of the ktv sessions. Warm tears scalded her cold cheeks as she recalled the light-hearted gatherings they had. She thought she heard some sobs from Linda's table, but she knew she must have been dreaming. So what if she's upset? It doesn't mean anything anymore. But she broke into another tears again as she thought of the possibilities.
Dinah opened her eyes and checked her handphone for new smses. None registered. 07:02, the clock at the corner of the old phone read. She had drifted into a dream. The dream had seemed so real. Dinah tried to imagine it as a dream, but the stuffed nose and the hardened tear tracks on her face jerked her out of her illusions. No, I've really lost her this time. The girl burst into another round of sobs. I don't know how I'm going to get through the day without the sweet memories of her. Thoughts of Linda had driven away the toughness of the days and the strains in her relationship with her brother. She had felt so complete, even with the creases in her life. All the bad things just seemed to fall away when Dinah knew for sure she could come home to her nightly chats with Linda, who never failed to make her smile. Dinah suddenly felt like she was a toddler again, crying from a nightmare and not knowing what is real and not, and if she cried loud enough, Mummy would come in and assure her that everything will be fine again. Just that this time, her mother would not care even if she saw her lying on her bed, cuddled up and sobbing away. And she recalled the only time her brother had come into the room the morning after he hit her, and asked her to put some ice for the swollen eyes. This time, her brother would say it served her right. She fell to the tears again. She didn't care if the eyes would swell -- she was getting better at covering the bruises on her body and swollen eyes should be much easier.
Dinah searched her memory for the last time she felt so empty. When Pris pushed me away from her life and left me waiting below her flats, in the hope of catching her the next morning when she left for Australia. The only ex-girlfriend Dinah had felt anything for. Dinah had been denying her feelings ever since her first relationship failed before she put her whole soul in it, believing in true love, just not believing it would ever happen to her. But she had let up every wall she erected when she met Pris, who seemed to be more insecure than her. Well, who was to know. Pris, who said she only wanted a long-term relationship and doubted Dinah was capable of one, let it go. Dinah never thought she would try so hard to make her feelings known again. But she did. And she failed again.
You win, Bro. Dinah made a mental note to try not to fall so hard for anyone again.
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