i guess im selfish with my attention..or rather, cant be bothered. i dont dish it out to everyone. i know you care when i dont reply your smses. but im scared of smses and phonecalls. it almost always means i forgot something or theres more work. and im safe in my comfort zone. not secure, but safe. i dowanna go exploring outside it, really.
ive always been the spare tyre. really. its time i face it. the spare tyre and the i-will-be-mean-if-i-dont-ask-you-cos-you-are-here-when-im-askin target. always the case with so many people. i can count the number of times ive been wanted. maybe its cos of this lack i always afford identity to groups and to people whom i feel are like me sometimes. im tired. hes right. im just..non-existent.
when will someone feel like s/he wants me as a friend. alone. like just me. maybe im scared. maybe im scared. maybe i really am.
stop treating me as a as-and-when-you-like person. i plead with you. stop doing this to me cos i can stand it no more.