i dont know.
the possibilities and all.
its possible that only one person knows exactly how i feel.
right now.
but unlike her,
im having problems coming to terms to the situation,
to the possibility that im in that position.
i still want to believe in my fantasy.
if only you tell me its reality
and not only tell me but prove it.
but maybe it doesnt matter so much to you anymore.
maybe ive been the only being in this dream of mine.
i told one more person abt that contents of that packet.
maybe youd accept me cos im your friend
like how im accepted as who i am because of double standards
that my friends afford me.
but really.
im still ashamed of it.
i will be in control of myself.
i will i will i will.
maybe i tried too hard and fought too fast.
so im drained and weary from the battle to get to you.
maybe i never trusted you enough
to still believe that you mean everything you said.
maybe i inflated the values of the things you did and said,
so when i realise its not exclusive to me,
it impacts.
but its difficult to hold on to the leftovers
and painful to realise youre doing all these things with her
that you did with me before.
or maybe more.
maybe you felt something.
maybe the keyword is felt.
maybe i dont exist in you no more.
maybe it happened a long time ago.
i thought from then on youd remove all the maybes
but i think you clammed up.
maybe i just have a very wild imagination.
or maybe ive been reading it like im reading horoscopes.
that some things, you say to more than just me.
i know shes another him to me.
the one to fill me with maybes, but less.
really, will u try to alleviate me from this mess?