Stationed hopeful in front of the computer, I was waiting for her to come online. The typical scenario of an infatuated someone. She was (On The Phone), and I felt this first small drop of vinegar drip onto my heart. It was then absorbed slowly but surely by the living, pumping organ which threatened to spread the poison like it could. As minutes flashed by on the digital clock at the corner of the screen, my heart sank. The vicious organ had started its work on the small drop of poison, making both the body and the mind weak.
An msn window popped up, and there inside were the many other names of people I know, people who mattered to me too. For just a split second, I hesitated. I was waiting for her to come back on, not to chat with other people who would just leave faded footprints in my life. But that was a fleeting thought which left my mind fast enough to do no harm. What I needed were sure friends and a good conversation, not an empty wait for uncertainty. What had I been thinking?
My heart seemed to follow the direction of the lines and lines of good-natured teasing and light-hearted jokes that scrolled up the channel, and I joined in the conversation that I had thought I would never be able to follow, having missed out on so much the past week. I guess some things only change in your mind, not in others'. When you're guilty of something, anticipation heightens and intensified satisfaction or disappointment follows, rarely both. I was, after all, still part of them, and I started smiling while typing away in the window. A corner of my heart still tugging away at the thought of her, I uncontrollably moved the cursor over to the green icon near the displayed digital clock, and double-clicked. She was no longer online. Just as well, I thought, and continued typing heartily away at the window where I previously was, no distractions this time.
As if heaven knew everyone of us was enjoying the conversation so much that none of us would close the window and go to bed deliberately, it started disconnecting us one by one. After dozens of attempts to log on, only to be disconnected again, we left the Internet and lapsed into various sweet dreams.
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Upon opening my eyes at the first light that streamed into the room, my first reflex was to stretch out for my handphone, pretending, even to myself, that it was just a casual check for important administrative sms-es. I didn't know how it could possible happen, but my heart sank even lower from the position where she had left it. It was a bright and promising day, and I simply refused to wake up not to her sms. I turned and hugged Tedd, but feeling somewhat vexed. A cool bath would do me good.
As the first drops of the cold refreshing water pelted down on the tired body of frustration, I felt lighter. The hair, the roots of troubles they say, fell away from my shoulders and pointed straight to the floor...as straight as I never could be, I mused. The fingers massaging my scalp seemed to act like little magnets, attracting the heavy molecules of evil away from my head, into the foamy shampoo, and then mercilessly into the drain. The cool shower really did me good.
The air that greeted me as I stepped out of the bathroom was uncomfortably warm, at least ten degrees higher than the refreshing water had been, or so i thought. I was never good at science. I removed the cherished rowing cushion from the stool and brought the latter under the speckless fan. What's the use of a clean fan when it was not pointing straight at me, with its sole aim only to relieve me of unwanted energy that would only turn evil? I insistently shifted the direction of the fan, this time straight at my bed, knowing I would soon fall into another refreshing sleep. I put the stool back in front of the computer, the rowing cushion on top, climbed into my bed, hugged Tedd under the covers, and fell asleep.
This time, I woke up to her sms.